Jim Varagona

Month: December, 2005

>I’m a Friend of Andrew

I just got this photo from a former co-worker from Target. This is me and Andrew, a high-pitched fellow that frequents the south St. Louis neighborhood where this Target is. This was actually taken at the grand opening of the store that was built to replace the one I worked at and made a documentary of, which I addressed before here.

In my documentary, “T51: The Eve of Destruction,” Andrew suggests they save the steel from the old building and make a giant statue of Jesus Christ out of it. Unfortunately, that was left out of the design.

Also take note, I am wearing an “Arlondo” nametag. I collected nametags while working at the old store of strangely named people that actually worked there. “Arlondo” became the name of a Spanish pimp persona I used a couple of times while working there.

Andrew T-shirts available here. I showed him the designs for them on buttons, which he thanked me for. I hope to buy him junk food with the proceeds.


>Dunkin’ Donuts Guy Dies From Diabetes!


Okay, so it makes sense like how the past three CEOs from McDonald’s died from heart attacks or that the Marlboro man died from lung cancer, but it always hits home when they die from diabetes. Does this mean I should avoid donuts? Michael Vale, the DD guy, did live to be 83, though. I figure I’m lucky if I live to 60…and if I make it that far, I’m lucky if I get there without toes being amputated and requiring a penis pump. My future wife can only look forward to that wonderful future together. If she was smart, she’d take out a hefty insurance policy on me which doubles if I die from eating donuts.

It’s morbid, but cool that I could commit suicide by overeating sweets. In my early teens, as I was getting quite emotional over my disease, I had this biopic of my life envisioned. I forshadowed the end of my life. I had too much and went out and bought a ten pack of Snickers bars. One by one, I devoured them and you see the wrappers fall at my feet. Hours later you see two policemen–a typical fat guy and tall skinny guy–they wonder about what happened and how I suddenly died. As they ponder the situation, the fat cop starts picking up the wrappers and licking the chocolate. Then we fade out.

I’d rather die with amputated limbs and a penis pump though. I only hope the Dunkin’ Donuts guy had a good one…passing that is.

image from EveryTattoo.com

By the way, I retain all rights to that movie idea.

>My Holiday Rant or Message


I am sick of these goddamned forwarded emails about why Christmas should be the only thing we celebrate. This year the Jews celebrate their festivities on the same day. The black folk have their Kwanzaa. Why is it so wrong to just say “Happy Holidays”?

Wasn’t this country founded on the basis of freedom of religion?

And sure, a Christmas tree shouldn’t be called a holiday tree, because it should be associated with that holiday, but really people, why should you care so much if Christmas is all about CHRIST? Note: This is an observation of others’ arguments, not a religious rant from me. Jesus was not surrounded by Douglas Firs in Bethlehem…I am sorry. So, if you are celebrating CHRISTmas, think about what Jesus would do. I am sure he wouldn’t rant about what we call Scotch Pines or if others have different views that do not hurt us. Jesus loved others as should you.

Be daring, you religious zealots and so called patriotic people. Throw out your trees and spend time with your loved ones. Everyone quit their dramatic bitching and arguing for one day please. Stop spending so much and donate more. Look at all those people suffering from disaster this past year, or any other person suffering from whatever. Pick a pet group of suffering.

And why must everyone be so angry as they shop? A time that I think should symbolize family and love just brings out the raging lunatic in everyone. I have worked in retail for the past 5 years now, and for some reason around this time, people flock into stores and expect to be helped immediately or get pissed off about a little traffic. You can’t avoid these things if you choose to enter into the consumer world during the month of December.

I’m not saying “Bah, humbug,” just because I am ranting here. I’m saying I thought the Christmas season was about something else.

So Merry or Happy Whatever. More power to you. As Americans we should have that power of choice. Even if that means not celebrating anything at all. I only hope those that celebrate something, realize the true meaning of it and whether or not it makes them look like hypocrites.

Happy Holidays from the angry Diabeto!

>I Sold My Soul to the Devil to Cure the Common Cold

At least that’s what my fiance and future mother in law think. I bought some “666 Cold Preparation.” It seems to have a nice cocktail of drugs in it to fight my mucusy cold. I wonder why they would come up with a name like that…and not even involve the devil in the packaging design. I went to the Monticello Drug Company’s web site (they make the product). They don’t help out at all, but the “Our Mission” section is quite amusing. The President looks funny for one. He does state that they give a lot back to homeless shelters and battered women. Who said the devil was evil?! It’s a shame they don’t spend any on advertising. I can imagine a cartoony red devil screaming, “I will annihilate your cold!” and launching his pitchfork at a live person holding their throat and coughing. They’d make billions.

While investigating this wonder, I did find this fellow’s site which beat me to the punch, and quite well. Enjoy reading his fun with the manufacturer of the devil’s syrup.

>I’ve Been Recognized

>My god…if I have one…I am in the RFT (the Riverfront Times, a local weekly paper).

I thought it was odd that an ex of mine from high school emailed me congratulating me on the feat of being recognized for Local Blog O’ the Week in the Unreal column of the RFT. It has been 2 days since the publish date and that was the first I heard of it. I did think it was strange though that my store had a spike in sales for the past two days.

The highlight listed was from my blog on November 15th about the passing of my pet rabbit, Hefnerita. I must say it was a nice graphic passage.

Anyway, thanks to the mysterious writer of Unreal for the recognition. Also thanks to whomever submitted the blog for approval.

Diabetoboy is for the people.

Can I get an amen?

>Happy Birthday Babushka

Today is my fiance’s 22nd birthday. It’s sad that it had to be during this tough time for her family. My mother and I have had similar situations with death being near our birthdays. It’s no good. Hopefully this doesn’t ruin her b-day every year.

So Shannon, have a happy birthday. I’m sure your grandma would have wanted it that way.

Note: My pet name is Babushka, as in a kerchief or a Russian grandmother.

>A Tragic Loss


My fiance’s grandmother, Delores McDonald, passed away early Monday morning. It was very sudden and involved kidney failure and a possible massive stroke. She was 67. We just saw her for the holidays and she appeared fine.

My condolences to everyone in the family, especially her husband, Bob, and her children, Gary and Pam (Shannon’s mom).

>R.I.P. Richard Pryor

You can see Pryor a lot now in the style of Chris Rock, but there is nothing like the real thing. I remember watching some of his stand-up on television throughout the years, and he made me laugh out loud. Considering how I am, that is a feat. He wasn’t afraid to point out our racial differences, which I appreciated. His impersonation of a white guy was hellarious and dead-on. And it was amazing to watch him in “The Toy,” as “the black man” that a rich white boy wants as his toy. I guess I wouldn’t blame the kid. A black man as a playmate would make sense if it was Richard Pryor.

It was a shame when he announced he had MS in the 1990s. I am sure things weren’t ever the same for him. May his humor live on, and may he rest easy now.


>Boy, Pedro is Popular (A Shameless Plug)


It’s amazing what a political shirt with a tie-in to a popular film can do. These “Don’t Blame Me, I Voted for Pedro” shirts I made are selling like hotcakes since we hit the holiday season. They are available in different styles like jerseys and sweatshirts, too, in case you aren’t a man or woman in black. So, if you know someone, anybody, gifts from my store would please them all…whether it be a Pedro shirt or Jack Francis boxers.
Note: Hopefully the blogging will pick up for me again, but moving is a female dog…gimme a couple of weeks.

>Ex-Occultists Turn To Jesus

>My “Random Interesting Bits-O-Blog” post from October received two comments recently. One was from the ex-witch turned Christian, who was flattered by the mention. The other was from a friend of hers who pointed me to this link, which is part of the “Ex-Occultists Web Ring,” whose slogan is “Light in the darkness.” The folks you can come across on the net are amazing. I wonder what other group types turn to Jesus. Maybe former Marilyn Manson fan club members for God, or men over 30 with prosthetic limbs for Jesus. If anyone knows of any, pass them my way…please.

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