>Dunkin’ Donuts Guy Dies From Diabetes!

by jvaragona


Okay, so it makes sense like how the past three CEOs from McDonald’s died from heart attacks or that the Marlboro man died from lung cancer, but it always hits home when they die from diabetes. Does this mean I should avoid donuts? Michael Vale, the DD guy, did live to be 83, though. I figure I’m lucky if I live to 60…and if I make it that far, I’m lucky if I get there without toes being amputated and requiring a penis pump. My future wife can only look forward to that wonderful future together. If she was smart, she’d take out a hefty insurance policy on me which doubles if I die from eating donuts.

It’s morbid, but cool that I could commit suicide by overeating sweets. In my early teens, as I was getting quite emotional over my disease, I had this biopic of my life envisioned. I forshadowed the end of my life. I had too much and went out and bought a ten pack of Snickers bars. One by one, I devoured them and you see the wrappers fall at my feet. Hours later you see two policemen–a typical fat guy and tall skinny guy–they wonder about what happened and how I suddenly died. As they ponder the situation, the fat cop starts picking up the wrappers and licking the chocolate. Then we fade out.

I’d rather die with amputated limbs and a penis pump though. I only hope the Dunkin’ Donuts guy had a good one…passing that is.

image from EveryTattoo.com

By the way, I retain all rights to that movie idea.