Jim Varagona

Month: October, 2005

>At Least the First Lady Is Honest…and other colon news


Thank you Laura for your candor.

And in other colon related news…buy your friends and family Colondars for the holidays, which feature colon cancer survivors tastefully showing skin and their operative scars. Proceeds benefit the Colon Club, which has an interesting link to the Colossal Colon. One of my dreams is to wiggle my way through a colon. It now may happen someday…

photo illustration of myself about to enter the Colossal Colon


>Vice President’s Aide Quits After Being Indicted

>Read the story for the background. Apparently someone on Bush’s staff lied. I find this surprising and appalling. I hope they learn something from this…

Never, ever, trust a guy named “Scooter.”

>I Even Respond to the Brainwashed

>Comment received today, in regards to last post regarding death milestones in Iraq:

“As the Deuce Four heads home this week, they leave behind a Mosul that, while not yet in the clear, is much closer to security and prosperity than anyone would have considered possible eight months ago. In between the daily secret reports Kurilla has brought to his hospital room so he can track his battalion, the Commander watches television news, increasingly frustrated by what he sees as a clear, and inaccurate, negative bias. When you get the news back here in the states, it’s all doom and body counts. I only wish the American public could see the incredible progress that is being made every day in Iraq, particularly in places like Mosul.”

–posted by Someone Who Actuallly Knows the Truth, Dude, and doesnt wear headbands

I appreciate the comments. I really do, especially the unsigned, anonymous, and clever pseudonyms that refer to me as “Dude.” It is a great name that I am proud to share with one Jeffrey Lebowski. I am sure there is progress in Iraq. That is so cool, man. I don’t give a shit about progress, because we aren’t supposed to be there in the first place, and none of those kids should have died for this cause, which has gone through so many different descriptions. First, they were a threat to us because of ties to Al-Qaeda. That didn’t pan out, so then they were a threat to us with their massive arsenal of “weapons of mass destruction.” Yeah, well we never found those, so then we were there to free and liberate the Iraqis, and give them what they always wanted–democracy. Even on Fox News, I don’t see them thanking us much, but the point is we were there to combat 9/11, and we were given many excuses and pieces of false information to get us to go along with this whole mess. Now who really supports this bullshit?

The Pew Research Center has found that half of the country agree that using force in Iraq was the wrong decision.

When asked “In the long run, do you think the war in Iraq has increased the chances of terrorist attacks in the U.S., lessened the chances, or has it made no difference?,” 41% said it had increased chances, while only 25% said it had lessened.

Now, these facts and opinions mean nothing to you, my anonymous detractor, because you like to focus on the good we are doing for the people. Yes, I know. I’ve heard it over and over like a programmed cult, “freedom and liberty.” Why the Iraqis? Sure they suffered under Saddam, but what about the people in Sudan and Rwanda? Are they not being oppressed by their rulers?

And tell me, where have you gone Osama Bin Laden?

“Remember me?”

I suppose that is just my negative bias talking, and my headband.

>Hooray for the War On Terror

>Yesterday marked 2,000 deaths of American soldiers. See their faces here. I’m sure glad we are bringing freedom and liberty to the people of Iraq. I hope they don’t mind the 26,732 civilian casualties (to date) they’ve had to endure to get to this point. Oh well…I guess that’s the price you pay for democracy. And that is what they want, right? At least we are keeping the Iraqis from unleashing their WMDs against us…oh wait.

I personally am waiting for the day our dead in Iraq equals our 2,986 that died on 9/11. We are really showing it to those Arabs. We already killed 9 times that of their people. We’ll show them. Or maybe we’ll just piss them off into an endless cycle or terrorism and Jihad.

What am I saying? This war ended on May 1, 2003.

And since that wonderful occassion, 1864 of our soldiers have been killed. Sounds a little backwards, but what do I know about combat or the price of freedom?

Keep this in mind…one Bush did foresee this all happening…

“Extending the war into Iraq would have incurred incalculable human and political costs. We would have been forced to occupy Baghdad and, in effect, rule Iraq. The coalition would instantly have collapsed, the Arabs deserting in anger and other allies pulling out as well. Exceeding the U.N.’s mandate would have destroyed the precedent of international response to aggression we hoped to establish. Had we gone the invasion route, the U.S. could still be an occupying power in a bitterly hostile land.”
— From “Why We Didn’t Remove Saddam” by George Bush [Sr.] and Brent Scowcroft, Time Magazine, 1998

So here’s to 2000 more and many more years of the endless war on terror. Cheers!

>As a Service to the Diabetic Community…

>I figured from time to time, I should give some Diabeto-related information. I did come across this article recently on a man’s “amazing transformation” from a lard ass to a phat stud. It seems like a nice, inspiring load of crap. He does discuss how he feared getting Diabetes from a family history and just being massive. That leads to a link to The Diabetes Detox diet, which seems a lot like the Atkins diet. Carbohydrates are your enemy! Yet the last time I looked into it, it is suggested that 70% of our diets be carbs. This suggests you effectively eliminate carbs for life. I’d rather shed years off my life.

That page links to another page which lists pertinent Diabetes info. plus vitamins and supplements to make things a tad easier. I’ll go for that. As long as I can still eat my pasta.

>A Vasculitis Survivor Comments On My Blog

>I received a notable comment to a posting last Sunday. The comment was regarding my posting on October 3rd about Wegener’s Granulomatosis, a horrible disease, that took my 14 year old brother’s life.

“Yeah, thanks for sharing. I just got out of the hospital a little over a week ago. They aren’t 100% what form of ANCA Vasculitis I have, but they think it may be Wegener’s. My kidneys seem to be okay, but my lungs were filling with blood and I couldn’t breathe for a while without being on pure oxygen. Things seem to be going okay now. Only time will tell. Thanks again.”


It felt good to get to somebody. I feel bad that she had to read a worst case scenario, but I am glad that someone that is suffering from this at a young age like my brother (Kim is 21) is surviving. Her blog covering her survival is at http://faithofanemptyhand.blogspot.com. It’s nice, but sad, to hear of someone else’s personalized story. At least it is one of hope.

>Bring On the Coffee Flavored Beer!

>According to Schlafly’s web site, Oct. 26 will mark the return of their Coffee Stout. I ate that shit up last year, but it wasn’t shit, and I drank it. I know, I know…St. Louis is Budweiser country. The hell with that. I want beer that tastes like real beer, or in this case, coffee. I wonder if there’s enough coffee in there to balance out the depressive part of beer. Actually I don’t get depressed when I drink beer, but I do eat wet wipes and dog bones.

Do try the Schlafly Coffee Stout though. It tastes like cold coffee with a heavy fizz. Who can’t pass that up?! It should hit St Louis area stores shortly after that date. If not, run to their Bottleworks site in Maplehood, MO and demand it.

>It Wasn’t In the Cards

Boy that last game sucked. I guess that means bring in the wrecking ball. Goodbye Busch. So long to standing in an inch of piss with 30 other guys, drinking $9 beers, and baseball…for now. And go Sox!

>For that nagging crotch rot…

>Try Boudreaux’s Butt Paste. It is available at Target and other fine stores. Unfortunately, their site (besides the main page) is down due to Katrina. They are located in Louisiana, you see. It works good on my dry elbows and knees too. They suggest it for pretty much any skin ailment you might have. Even Shaq and Britney jumped on its bandwagon.

The fine line of Butt Paste products

-One Butt Paste thing to note is if you haven’t touched the tube in a while, you will be surprised by a clear grease on the first squeeze, so massage the tube like your mother’s calves to mix it well.

Also, for that not-so-swell feeling downstairs is the amusing Anti-Monkey Butt Powder. I myself have not tried this one, but (heh heh) how can you deny it???!

The Anti-Monkey Butt Mobile?

Even if you don’t experience these choadal region ailments, they make fine Christmas presents, gag gift or not. AMB is especially recommended for “motorcyclists, horseback riders, bicyclists, runners, and truck drivers,” so keep that in mind.

Oh…this is a real neat-o crotch rot story.


>Random Interesting Bits-O-Blog

>So I was browsing through other blogs and here are some good ones…

Kid gets hand stuck in vacuum!

Girl complains about acid reflux and her period!–thanks to technology, we can now know these intimate details of people’s lives.

Pope Ratzinger Comic Satire–stuff in other languages makes me laugh, mainly because I don’t understand it.

I like this lady’s intro.: “I’m an ex-Witch, now Christian for the last 9 years…” nuff said.

Your guide to plane crash info.–latest plane crashes, plane crash lawyers, etc.

…and if you’ve been severely depressed recently, here’s some help.

…some people.

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