>How I Met My Future Wife–Pt. I

by jvaragona


I will be wed in about a week now. It’s not too much of a frightening thought, because I am practically married now. The only real nerve wracking part is dealing with all of this formality. Granted I have not done much to actually get ready for this wedding, not by my choice, but still just watching Shannon try to organize all of this with the musicians, the DJ, the photographer, the flowers, the officiant, the wedding site, the reception hall, the cake, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…I go nuts too.

When it comes to this point in someone’s life, one common question is “how did you kids meet?” I am starting a series of blogs, beginning with this one, to answer just that. You may be thinking that you don’t want to hear some long, sappy story of love at first sight and puppy dog eyes. You shant get that here. I give different stories for how we met. They are all true, but I can’t pick just one as the time we first met. It’s not fair.

I was down on my luck with the ladies back in early 2001. My buddy Josh had made some attempts to introduce me to ladies. We even tried spraying brandy on each other with a syringe before going to parties, so girls thought we were already drunk, but sadly it did not work.

One day he told me that the Sexy Mex and her friend Shannon were to come over my place. It was awkward because he was doing this for me and I had never met these gals before. To help myself relax, I decided to wear my official Diabetoboy helmet. I used it when I rolled down hills and performed comedic routines in it when my blood sugar went too low.

The girls arrived and I was quite taken by Shannon, the blonde. I’m not sure if Josh noticed this or not, but to lighten the mood, he decided it would be a good idea to have a lap dance contest amongst myself, him, and Chuck, a big boy that Josh worked with and that I knew from grade school. I don’t remember the songs played, but I know we were playing a lot of Tom Jones and Prince back then, so you can get an idea.

Josh and I showing off our mad skills

The other two schmucks were nothing compared to me. I stood on the couch over Shannon and shook what my Mother gave me (Happy Mom’s Day by the way). I even involved a prop. A device I acquired from my late Uncle John that looked like a corded phone base with a triangle shaped plastic piece corded to it came in handy. It was actually to be used for patients with pacemakers to phone their doctors and let the doc hear the unit. I enjoyed the “bleep” and “bloop” sounds it made though, so I rubbed it on my chest seductively as it made its music.

Needless to say, I won the contest, but after the scores were announced, Shannon withdrew my win and gave it to Josh, simply because she knew him better and felt weird about letting a stranger win.

I still won’t let her live that down, but I still got her in the end. And every once in a while, we will break out that noisemaking device for fun.